25 and Disappointed: I do not want to negotiate

I’ve thought about it more than once — what I’d do if I ever got a raise.

People say, “Don’t settle. Ask for more. You’re worth more.”

It’s become a mantra in today’s world, especially in the corporate space.

Negotiation is considered self-respect. Hustle is a badge.

More money means more success.

But I don’t feel proud thinking about it. I feel something else. I feel uneasy.

It’s not that I lack ambition.

It’s not that I don’t want comfort.

It’s that, somewhere deep inside, a question keeps echoing:

“Why am I earning this much when so many others earn nothing at all?”

And if I ask for more — if I negotiate — what am I doing, really?

I know it’s not wrong to want fair pay. But what is fair in a world that’s anything but?

I see delivery workers biking through heat and rain, risking their lives just to deliver my food.

I see sanitation workers cleaning up after us while we barely offer them a glance.

I see parents in villages sending their kids to school with half-filled stomachs, hoping education will save them.

I see retired men waiting at bus stops, still working at 70, because they don’t have a choice.

And then I’m told to ask for a better package.

To say, “My market value is higher.”

To bargain over bonuses while someone else bargains over medicine and rent.

How do I justify that?

I used to tell myself — “earn more so you can donate more.”

That helped me for a while.

But I’ve come to realize something sad:

The chase doesn’t end when you earn more.

It just moves the finish line further.

And donating more doesn’t undo the fact that I’ve played the same game.

I’ve taken a bigger slice, hoping to hand out crumbs in return.

Maybe that sounds too idealistic.

Maybe it’s naive.

But maybe it’s the disappointed part of me that’s finally growing up.

I’m not proud of the paycheck.

I’m not thrilled by the tax slabs.

I don’t want to scroll through property ads or plan my next vacation.

I want peace. I want enough. And I want fairness to be something more than a dream.

And here’s the hardest part to admit:

The disappointment of not getting a raise hurts most when you already earn more than most of your country.

It’s like being sad in a palace because someone else has a bigger palace.

It’s a sadness that feels wrong — and that’s exactly why it hits so hard.

I don’t know what the answer is.

I’m not saying no one should negotiate.

But for me, personally — I won’t.

Not because I don’t think I’m worth more.

But because I’m tired of proving it in numbers.

I’d rather be underpaid with peace than overpaid with guilt I can’t shake off.

That’s where I stand today. 25 and disappointed.

Not because I’m not moving up —

But because the whole system feels upside down.

P. S. Thanks to ChatGPT for the text.